[spoilers ahead]

This movie was so filled with useless characters and subplots, my brain has been actively working to forget them and just remember the 20 good minutes of bot-on-bot crime.

Please explain why a military base in Qatar was the easiest place to tap into the mainframe. Please explain why after THAT failed (big surprise), we have to watch “Frenzy” scamper around like Jar-Jar Binks while HE attempts to break in. Then we have Scorpinok, whose sole purpose is to kill a handful of survivors from Blackout’s attack, yet instead of picking them off out in the barren desert, he waits until they get cover and a cell phone.

Now begins the “hacker” subplot. How was any of this important? Why go through all this trouble introducing:

* Aussie hacker chick and her team
* Goofy fat black man (apparently the quota for this movie was two goofy, fat black men), his cousin and his momma
* Adapting, sound-based spider-viruses

just to determine the name of the fucking file Frenzy was after?

There’s more that I hated about it, but like I said, I’m trying hard to erase them.

I agree with some random goon when he said, “It’s the worst movie I’ve ever seen that I will watch over and over and over.”

The only development they got was during the big meetup scene in the alley.

* Ironhide has big guns.
* Jazz is black.
* Ratchet fixes thing.

During the final battle:

* EVERYONE seemed to have big guns, so Ironhide had nothing special going for him there.
* Jazz is still black.
* Ratchet can’t be bothered to fix Bumblebee’s legs or save Jazz’s life. Clearly, he is the worst medic in the universe.

The Decepticons got no development at all, save a one-liner Megatron tossed at Starscream for “failing him again.” Oh yeah, and “Frenzy is an annoying waste of CGI money.”

P.S. Ratchet doesn’t care about black people.