BSG Season 4

Addendum to the previous post:

Please use your combined psychic powers to implant the following thought into the mind of Ron Moore:

Scene opens, moving past planets that looks suspiciously like Saturn, Jupiter, Mars…

Earth comes into view on a slow approach, music begins.

Past the moon, the music swells.

Through the clouds, build to crescendo.

Zoom tight to coastline, where the Statue of Liberty - buried to her waste in sand - comes into view. A lone man in a loin cloth pounds the beach with his fists, and yells at the heavens.

Roll credits.

This will save the show. I promise.

The mustache of broken dreams.

The finale for Season 3 of Battlestar Galactica aired last night. Like just about everyone else I’ve heard from, I was underwhelmed.

This season started in an amazingly strong fashion, with the remnants of humanity embroiled in a guerilla conflict in Ira- er… on New Caprica. Meanwhile, in space, Apollo got fat and Adama grew an awesome mustache. Then Galactica belly-flopped into the atmosphere and rescued the humans from the Cylon occupation, Adama shaved off his mustache and… well… it was kind of downhill from there.

Yes, the emotional high-point of the season came three weeks in with a dramatic shaving scene. What followed was a series of progressively less-engrossing episodes that slowly turned what had been the Best Thing on Television into a cut-rate version of JAG. Low points included:

  • The complete “reboot” of the previous season’s narrative progress.
  • The Cylon base ship apparently consisting of an series of bathtubs filled with tapioca pudding, a few strings of Christmas lights, a rotating bed from a Vegas honeymoon suite and a collection of decorative water sculptures stolen from a local Feng Shui boutique.
  • The arbitrary and terrible boxing episode.
  • The arbitrary and terrible Sagittaron episode.
  • The show turning into a soap opera, with “marriage is hard” becoming a dominant theme.
  • The show spiralling further into awfulness by turning from a soap opera into a mediocre (and EXTREMELY preachy) morality play/legal drama.
  • And many more!

Nevertheless, when last night’s episode started, I had high hopes that we’d at least get a decent cliff to hang from as we headed into the off-season. And I’ll admit, things STARTED strong as the show opened on a shot of Admiral Adama shaving. The lack of bagpipe music should’ve been warning enough, but I was feeling optimistic, so I ignored it.

What followed was a painful hour of astonishingly predictable “payoffs.” Literally, every major plotline progressed in exactly the most obvious and uninspired fashion possible. Every character that had been struggling “came around.” The least surprising explanation for every “mystery” was provided.

Now, I’m hoping that what’s happened is that we’ve been handed a big, stinky pile of red herring to gnaw on between now and Season Four (which will begin airing in JANUARY OF NEXT YEAR). We’re all so very clever with our guessing and our armchair scripting that they decided to just shovel a ton of misleading nonsense at us as punishment.

If that turns out to be the case, then I suppose there’s a good chance of things turning around and BSG returning to the good graces of geeks everywhere, but it’s a HUGE risk to be taking. After all, we’ll now have over NINE MONTHS to allow the bitter taste of Season Three to percolate, poisoning our minds and twisting us ever closer to the point where we just stop caring.

As penance, I think they should be forced to bring back Fat Apollo. And give him an awesome mustache.